


Take This To Your Grave

by TheWalkingDeanisnotonfireHaus



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Gay, Holocaust, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mickey's gay as hell, Murder, Period-Typical Homophobia, it's a survival story with love in it, so is Ian, this isn't a love story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-23 08:19:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8320657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWalkingDeanisnotonfireHaus/pseuds/TheWalkingDeanisnotonfireHaus
Summary: ✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️✖️de·hu·man·izedēˈ(h)yo͞oməˌnīz/verbpast tense: dehumanized; past participle: dehumanizeddeprive of positive human qualities.     (I'm not a writer, so constructive criticism is appreciated.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't intended to be disrespectful towards those who suffered through the Holocaust, or those who have/had loved ones who were in concentration camps. This is not meant to romanticise the Holocaust. This is not necessarily a love story. This is a story of overcoming Hell and coming out as alright as mentally and physically possible. I am not 100% sure of how accurate I am, I only researched what I thought I needed to. There will be historically inaccurate things in this I'm sure. I apologise. 
> 
>  
> 
> "Between 1942 and 1944, political prisoners from France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Austria, Greece, Albania, Poland, the Soviet Union, Italy, Hungary and Germany as well as thousands of unregistered Soviet prisoners of war were sent to Mauthausen. In 1945 more than 20,000 prisoners from concentration camps in countries given up by the Germans were transferred to Mauthausen, mainly from Lublin, Auschwitz...and Gross-Rosen. At the same time, thousands of Hungarian civilians (mostly Jews) were delivered into the camp. On May 3, 1945, a total of 64,800 men and 1,734 women were officially registered as inmates of Mauthausen, in addition to some 15,000 non-registered prisoners." (jewishvirtuallibrary.org)
> 
> Ebensee was a subcamp of Mauthausen. It was a forced labour camp, thought to be one of the most diabolical concentration camps ever built.

Nearing Ebensee, Austria  
February 21st, 1945

 

I couldn't see or move for shit, and the train kept making me hit my head on the wall. I wasn't sure if I wanted to ever get off this train, even though a bunch of sweaty guys were in my personal space. I didn't know where the fuck they were taking us. What if it was one of those gas places like those Jewish guys were talking about? Were those even real? I heard the wheels screech on the railroad. Before I could even blink, some loud ass German officer started opening the carts while yelling, and everyone started filing out. It was another fucking camp, you've got to be shitting me. Why would they bring us to one camp for three days and then send us off again to this shitty one? I started looking around for Mandy, but there were too many people. 

"Everyone line up," some tall guy shouted, "men to the left, women and children to the right. Don't talk or we will shoot." 

As I got in line, I heard a few gunshots go off. I walked only a bit faster to the line. I stood next to a guy with a pink triangle on his jacket, like the one I had. I wasn't a faggot though, I just made out with a guy once. I got one hell of a beating from my dad, and I never touched a guy since. So I didn't know how the hell I was standing there with some pussy symbol on me. 

"All of you, remove your clothes and run to the washroom and back." 

As I started taking off my clothes, the tall guy came over to me and punched me in the face. I would've punched him right back if he didn't have a gun on his back. 

"Not you, faggots. You each get separate examinations. Follow me." He spit on the other guy's bare feet. What an asshole. He led us down some gravel path, and I heard the sound of crying children get quieter. As we approached a small building, he opened the door and waited for me and Spitboy to go in. Inside, two guys were standing up straight, showing respect for their superior or some shit, and there were dirty white curtains drawn behind them both. I shuddered at the thought of what happened behind them. 

"-and Müller will be examining you," the Nazi spoke firmly, invading my thoughts, "Listen to what they say or the others will have to dig a hole for your corpses." With that, he walked out, leaving us with these Kapos. Even though they were prisoners too, everyone knew to not give them any shit. Some of them killed their own people like fucking animals, and I wasn't taking any chances with my life today. I kept my head down, walking to the nearest Kapo. 

"Get behind the curtain and start undressing," he walked towards the curtain, and I noticed that he actually wore shoes. The fucker. As I stepped behind the curtain, I looked up to see just what this traitor looked like. And fuck me if I wasn't fucking pleasantly surprised. 

"Fucking Gallagher?" Despite the circumstances, he softly smiled and nodded. 

"I didn't think you'd remember me, Mick," he closed the curtain and stood in front of me. 

"It's Mickey, and of course I remember you. We've been friends for, what, seven years now?" Redhead gave me a weird look, which I didn't really understand. 

"Well, I thought we were a little more than fri-" I put my hand over his mouth. 

"Shut your fucking mouth. I'm not a cocksucker."

"You sure? **This** says otherwise," he fucking smirked at me, touching the pink badge stitched to my jacket. 

"I'm not- it's not-"

"Relax, Mickey. I like cock too, remember?" I felt my face heat up as I stared at the ground, finding the cracks in the floor pretty interesting all of a sudden. After a few moments of silence, I took a deep breath. 

"So, do I need to-to strip for you or whatever?" I tried to ask it nonchalantly, but it's pretty hard when you're asking some gay guy if you should take your clothes off for him. 

"Whoa, wait until the second date, at least." His smile dropped when seeing that I wasn't having his bullshit. "I trust that you're healthy enough."

"Alright. So, you're a Kapo? What else are those assholes making you do?"

"Its hard to watch them kill prisoners for fun, and sometimes I have to do some bad shit too. It's worth it though; I don't get beaten at all. Plus, I don't have to do any labour shit. If they didn't know you were into guys you could totally have been one." 

I was ready to protest about my 'liking guys', when I heard the door to the building open. 

"Gallagher and Müller, bring your prisoners out here." The Nazi was back. Just great. Ian grabbed my hands and pushed me towards the opened curtain. 

"I will need a report of their physical health after they are returned to their rooms." They gave him some bullshit professional confirmation and Ian kept glancing at me until the Nazi guy walked both me and Spitboy to where we'd be staying. To say the place was roomy would be a fucking understatement. These guys were all basically given enough space for their skeletal bodies to fit. I thanked whatever god is still out there that I haven't gotten to be that awfully skinny. He told us our schedule: wake up at 4:30 am and finish around 6 pm, 3 "5-star" meals a day, and dead piling up around us as we pretend like nothing is wrong. Maybe Ian was right; being a Kapo might have been better than working for around 14 hours a day in the cold. I could tell that this was going to be a bitch of a life for me. Speaking of bitch, where the hell was Mandy? I climbed up to my "bed" and I hoped this was some shitty dream. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

_"I-I'm not gay." I ran my thumb against my lower lip. He stepped closer to me and I tried to back up, but I hit the wall._

_"How long are you going to keep lying to yourself for? I've seen the way you look at me when you think I'm not paying attention. Look at me right now and tell me. Tell me that you don't feel anything for me, and I'll leave."_

_Freckled skin brushed against my own skin and I shivered. As I leaned into his touch, I could faintly smell shitty cologne and laundry detergent. I felt his breath on me as his lips reached for mine. I closed my eyes and as our lips touched I felt it. Bliss. Peace. I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him closer to me, moaning into his mouth. I raked my hands through his hair as he put his hands under my shirt._

_A loud crash was heard across the room. I broke the kiss and pushed him off of me._

_"Don't fucking move or I'll shoot both of your queer asses." My dad stood at the door, looking pissed as all hell. In his hand I noticed he had a small pistol raised at my head. He cocked the gun and both of us were painfully still._

******

The sound of crying woke me up, and I found myself rubbing my eyes as the trembling cries became more coherent. I guess some poor guy's friend died in the middle of the night. I wasn't sure what time it was, but I guessed that the Nazi fuckers would come to wake us up soon. I hardly had time to finish that thought when I heard the sound of boots on gravel. I scrambled to get out of bed and onto the ground, and I heard the others stumble to their feet. 

"It is 4 am. You must all come for roll call." This was a different guy from the one last night, but him and his buddies still had those creepy-ass skulls on their hats. 

As I started walking out, one of the Nazis started yelling about the dead guy and I flinched as I heard a gun go off. I was never gonna get used to that. We walked for a few minutes until we were yelled at to get in a line. We joined a group that seemed to be mostly Jews. There were 3 other groups of prisoners too, and I tried to find my bitch of a sister. 

"This will go faster if you all listen," one of them said, "we will not hesitate to kill." 

I scoffed- no kidding. Kapos walked towards the groups of prisoners with papers and a pen; like they thought they were so much better because they got their own rooms and more food and- shit, I've been tired of fake coffee since I had it for the first time. Of fucking course Gallagher was there for role call too, yelling at the group next to me. He was just calling out names, but he made it seem like he was some big deal or whatever. Not to mention the way he stood with pride as if his feet weren't on top of some nameless grave. I noticed how his eyes were so dull as he spoke. They weren't like that when he talked to me. Or when we were younger, when we- 

Whatever. I guess he changed. 

"Mandy Milkovich," someone to my left bellowed out like we were all deaf or some shit. 

My heart did some fucking flip or whatever at the mention of my sister's name. I heard a reply to the Kapo, with only a small tremble in her voice. I scanned the rows, and I saw her. With a shaved head and a bruised face (which was my fault), she stood holding a small girl's shaking hand. Mandy was looking right at me, a small smile forming on her lips. I returned it, forcing myself not to push through the crowd of people and give her a spine-crushing hug. 

She was a fucking moron for trying to stop the Gestapo from taking me. She was safe. She wasn't a prisoner or a Jew or a queer. Well, not a full queer. I had to look away from Mandy before I started crying like a pussy. I couldn't stand the fact that she was going to have to deal with this bullshit. If only I never met Gallagher, my sister would be safe. Was that true? Or would I have just found some other homo and gotten caught? The guy probably wouldn't have been as hot as Galla- Fuck off, faggot thoughts. 

"Mickey Milkovich,"the Jewish guy finally got to my name. If this shit was in alphabetical order I was going to kill someone, maybe myself. 

******

It was in alphabetical order, fucking Christ. It took hours to finish role call, and I was about ready to punch the Nazis laughing at the homo symbol on my shirt. I didn't see Mandy when we were sent to get 'breakfast', and I looked just about everywhere for her. I found Gallagher though. He was eating with other Kapos, probably wiener schnitzel and real coffee. He kept staring at me and it creeped me the fuck out, but I tried to ignore it. As I drank some of the shitty fake coffee, I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I whipped around and got ready to defend myself, but it was just the ginger. He gestured for me to follow him, and I did so with a skeptical look. We walked towards a guard, and I wondered if anyone could hear my heart beating. 

"I'm going to my quarters to teach this faggot a lesson, General." He lied  
so confidently, I almost believed him. At least I hoped it was a fucking lie. The guard looked a little unsure, but he let us go. We walked quickly to Gallagher's room- he got his own fucking room as a Kapo- and he started reaching in his pants. 

"Whoa, man. Breakfast is over in, like, ten minutes."

"Shut up." He pulled out half a loaf of bread and tossed it to me. 

"What's this for?"

"I've seen the shit you're eating. Hell, I've eaten it before too. Trust me, you'll want this. Sorry it's not much, I'm still an abomination so I'm not exactly gonna get a five-star meal." 

"So why give any to me? You gonna make me suck your dick or something? 'Cause I'm telling you right now, that ain't gonna fucking-" 

"Relax," he started, "no ones sucking anyone's dick unless it's consensual. I just thought we were kinda close before all this shit went down, you know?" I could've sworn I saw a smug look on his face, or maybe I was just being paranoid. 

"The fuck do you mean by 'close'?"

"Nothing! God, you're really far in that closet, aren't you? I hate to break it to you, but while you're here, your closet's wide open."

"Fuck you, man." I pushed him away as I headed for the door. 

"Hey, wait," he grabbed my arm as he spoke, "I didn't mean to piss you off. Can you just stay with me for a little bit longer?" He gave me those God damn puppy dog eyes, and I was done for.


End file.
